You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
