She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
