I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize