i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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