dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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