Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
