I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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