and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
