Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
