I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Swine flu. Run for my life!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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