dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
