I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
