Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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