You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize