there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Houston, we have a blender
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
