Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
