we have pet lesbian snakes
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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