quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
