I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
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