Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
