if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
