I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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