Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Randomize
