i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
