Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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