dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
