Someone shit on the floor
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
