i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm getting married
To pizza
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
