it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize