do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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