i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize