I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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