Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
