evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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