Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Reggie can tackle my bush.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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