I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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