and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
