Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
