i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
