i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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