he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
