Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
