You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
