so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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