he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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