I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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