I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
