Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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