Sacagawea was the original milf.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
