Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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