Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize