dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
