TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
