You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
