Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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