big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
