Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you never un-have a 4some
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
