i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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