Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize