he puts the penis in happiness.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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