I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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