And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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