People in love make me want to vomit
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
