marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
