She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
