I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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