i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
