I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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