it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
In America we eat man semen.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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