i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
