Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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