She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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