This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
