Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
