You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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