i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
