I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize