i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
