we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
