My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
