well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
