For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
