2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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