2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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