Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just google imaged poop.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
