Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
