You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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