yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
