i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
