Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
