you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
