Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
