If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize