My first STD was from a foam party
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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